| Weird Al Yankovic Lyrics |
| Bedrock Anthem Harvey the Wonder Hamster Jurassic Park Amish Paradise Livin' In The Fridge Gump Alternative Polka Dare To Be Stupid I Want A New Duck Like A Surgeon One More Minute Fat I Think I'm A Clone Now Eat It I Lost On Jeopardy Polkas On My 45 Smells Like Nirvana It's All About The Pentiums Polka Power Pretty Fly For A Rabbi Another One Rides The Bus I Love Rocky Road |
Bedrock Anthem (Give It Away Now performed by Red Hot Chili Peppers) Sometimes I feel like I need a vacation, sometimes I feel like I wanna go to the city of cavemen, the city of bedrock. I’d be a Flintstone, now I’ll tell you why... Well, I’ve got, I’ve got a woman named Wilma, well, I’ve got, I’ve got a baby named Pebbles, well, I’ve got, I’ve got a doggy named Dino, we do a little bowling and we drink a little vino. Well, I’ve got a little buddy, Barney Rubble, got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble, He’s a midget but he makes a lot of trouble, doesn’t like to shave, he got caveman stubble. Me and barney, loyal order, Water Buffalo, lodge brothers, loyal order, Water Buffalo. There’s a handshake everybody gotta know, how come Grand Poobah always gotta run the whole show? Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now, yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now. Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now, I get by on all my prehistoric know-how. Betty and Barney got a baby named Bam-Bam, little Pebbles is his number one fan. He’s the strongest toddler in the whole land, tear your arm off if he shakes your hand. Got a car, gonna push it with my feel now, gonna take my family out to eat now, jumbo ribs at the drive-in can’t be beat now, made from Brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow. Wanna chill with a Saber-Toothed Tiger, wear a loincloth, natural fiber. Be the first Rolling Stone subscriber, got a Pterodactyl for a windshield wiper. Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now, yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now. Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now, don’t know what it means but I say it anyhow. Luck me, workin’ down in the gravel pit, movin’ rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit. Mr. Slate gets mad and he throws a fit, pull the birdie’s tail, everybody knows it’s time to quit. I realize I’m living in the stone age, no fax, no cellular phone-age. Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age, liftin’ heavy boulders every day for my wage. Barney Rubble, laughin’ like a hyena, Barney Rubble, what a little wiener. Where’s Wilma, anybody seen her? Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner. Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now, yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now. Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now, yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now. Harvey the Wonder Hamster (original Weird Al recording) Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster. He doesn’t bite and he doesn’t squeal, he just runs around on his hamster wheel. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster. Hey, Harvey! Jurassic Park (MacArthur Park performed by Richard Harris) I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes and before long, they were cloning DNA. Now I’m being chased by some irate Veloceraptors, well, believe me, this has been one lousy day. Jurassic park is frightening in the dark, all the dinosaurs are running wild. Someone shut the fence off in the rain, I admit it’s kinda eerie, but this proves my chaos theory and I don’t think I’ll be coming back again, oh, no! I cannot approve of this attraction cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad. A huge Tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer, well, I suppose that proves they’re really not all bad. Jurassic park is frightening in the dark, all the dinosaurs are running wild. Someone let T. Rex out of his pen, I’m afraid those things’ll harm me cause they sure don’t act like Barney and they think that I’m their dinner, not their friend, oh, no! Jurassic park is frightening in the dark, all the dinosaurs are running wild. What a crummy weekend this has been. Well, this sure ain’t no e-ticket, think I’ll tell them where to stick it cause I’m never coming back this way again, oh, no, oh, no! Livin’ In The Fridge (Livin’ On The Edge performed by Aerosmith) There’s something weird in the fridge today, I don’t know what it is, food I can’t recognize. My roommate won’t throw a thing away, I guess it’s probably his, it looks like it’s alive. And livin’ in the fridge, livin’ in the fridge, livin’ in the fridge, livin’ in the fridge. There’s something dross in the fridge today, it’s green and growin’ hair, it’s been there since July. If you can name the object in that baggie over there, then mister, you’re a better man than I. It’s livin’ in the fridge, you can’t stop (dysentery) the mold from growin’ (dysentery). Livin’ in the fridge, can’t tell what (dysentery) it is at all (dysentery). Livin’ in the fridge, you can’t stop (dysentery) the mold from growin’ (dysentery), livin’ in the fridge. Tell me, do you think it should be carbon dated, fumigated or cremated and buried at sea? You try to save a little bit of your home cookin’, couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin’ specimen, it always happens my friend, again and again and again and again… Somethin’ stinks in the fridge today and it’s been rottin’ there all week. It could be liver cake or wooly mammoth steak, well, maybe I should take another peek… NNYYAHHHH!!!!! Livin’ in the fridge, you can’t stop (dysentery) the mold from growin’ (dysentery). Livin’ in the fridge, can’t tell what (dysentery) it is at all (dysentery). Livin’ in the fridge, you can’t stop (dysentery) the mold from growin’ (dysentery), livin’ in the fridge. Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is, livin’ in the fridge. Don’t know what it is, don’t know what it is. livin’ in the fridge. Don’t know what it is at all, livin’ in the fridge, yeah… Amish Paradise (Gangsta Paradise performed by Coolio) As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain, I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain. But that’s just perfect for an Amish like me, you know I shun fancy things like electricity. At 4:30 in the morning I’m milkin’ cows, Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool! And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone. I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline, got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin. But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine, then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699. We been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise I’ve churned butter once or twice living in an Amish paradise. It’s hard work and sacrifice living in an Amish paradise. We sell quilts at a discount price living in an Amish paradise. A local boy kicked me in the butt last week, I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek. I really don’t care, in fact I wish him well, cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in hell. But I ain’t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it, an Amish with a ’tude? You know that’s unheard of. I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat and my homies agree I really look good in black, fool! If you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tears, we haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years. But we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stare, we’re just technologically impaired. There’s no phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury. Like Robinson Caruso, it’s as primitive as can be. We been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise. We’re just plain and simple guys living in an Amish paradise. There’s no time for sin and vice living in an Amish paradise. We don’t fight, we all play nice living in an Amish paradise. Hitchin’ up the buggy, churnin’ lots of butter, raised a barn on Monday, soon I’ll raise another. Think you’re really righteous? Think you’re pure in heart? Well, I know I’m a million time as humble as thou art. I’m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like, on my knees day and night scorin’ points for the afterlife. So don’t be vain and don’t be whiny or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie. We been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise. We’re all crazy Mennonites living in an Amish paradise. There’s no cops or traffic lights living in an Amish paradise. But you’d probably think it bites living in an Amish paradise. Gump (Lump performed by Presidents of the United States of America) Gump sat alone on a bench in the park, ’My name is Forrest,’ he’d casually remark. Waitin’ for the bus with his hands in his pockets, he just kept sayin’ life is like a box of chocolates. He’s Gump, he’s Gump, what’s in his head? He’s Gump, he’s Gump, he’s Gump, is he inbred? Gump was a big celebrity, he told JFK that he really had to pee. He never feels too dumb because his mom always told him stupid is as stupid does. He’s Gump, he’s Gump, he’s kinda square. He’s Gump, he’s Gump, he’s Gump, what’s with that hair? Run, run, run, run, now Forrest. Run, run, run like the wind now. Run, run, run, run, now Forrest. Run, stop! His buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin’ man, his friend with no legs he called Lieutenant Dan. His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a slut, He went to the white house, showed LBJ his butt. He’s Gump, he’s Gump, he’s not too bright. He’s Gump, he’s Gump, he’s Gump, but he’s all right. Is this Gump out of his head? I think so. Is this Gump really brain dead? I think so. Did this Gump make lots of bread? I think so. And that’s all I have to say about that. Alternative Polka (polka covers, see below for credits) ’Loser’ by Beck Soy un perdidor, I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me? Soy un perdidor, I’m a loser, baby, so why don’t you kill me? Hey! ’Sex Type Thing’ by Stone Temple Pilots I am, I am, I am, I said I wanna get next to you, I said I’m gonna get close to you You wouldn’t want me have to hurt you, too, hurt you, too. I know what’s on my mind, I know you like what’s on my mind. I know it eats you up inside, I know, you know, you know. Here I come, I come, I come, I come. Here I come, I come, I come. ’All I Wanna Do’ by Sheryl Crow All I wanna do is have some fun, I gotta feeling I’m not the only one. All I wanna do is have some fun, I gotta feeling I’m not the only one. All I wanna do is have some fun until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard. ’Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails Help me, I broke apart my insides. Help me, I’ve got no soul to sell. Help me, the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself. I wanna [doink] you like an animal. I wanna feel you from the inside. I wanna [clong] you like an animal. My whole existence is flawed, you get me closer to God. Hey! Hey! Hey! ’Bang and Blame’ by REM You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, blame, blame, blame. You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, it’s not my thing so let it go. ’You Oughta Know’ by Alanis Morisette Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no. And every time you speak her name, does she know how you told me You’d hold me until you died, till you died, well, you’re still alive. And I’m here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It’s not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me, you-ou-ou-ou-ou oughta know. Hey! ’Bullet With Butterfly Wings’ by Smashing Pumpkins Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage. Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage. And someone will say what is lost can never be saved. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. ’My Friends’ by Red Hot Chili Peppers I love all of you hurt by the cold. So hard and lonely, too, when you don’t know yourself. ’I’ll Stick Around’ by Foo Fighters I don’t owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything! I don’t owe you anything! ’Black Hole Sun’ by Soundgarden Black hole sun, won’t you come and wash away the rain? Black hole sun, won’t you come, won’t you come? Black hole sun, black hole sun, won’t you come? Black hole sun, black hole sun, won’t you come? Black hole sun, black hole sun. ’Basket Case’ by Green Day Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once? I am one those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it. Sometimes I give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up, I think I’m cracking up. And am I just paranoid or am I just stoned? Or am I just stoned-oh-oh-oh-oh-ned? Hey! Dare To Be Stupid (original Weird Al recording) Put down your chainsaw and listen to me, it’s time for us to join in the fight. It’s time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys, it’s time to let the bedbugs bite. You better put all your eggs in one basket, you better count your chickens before they hatch. You better sell some wine before its time, you better find yourself an itch to scratch. You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Whiple’s not around. Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan. Talk with your mouth full, bite the hand that feeds you. Bite on more than you chew, what can you do, dare to be stupid. Take some wooden Nickels, look for Mr. Goodbar. Get your mojo working now, I’ll show you how you can dare to be stupid. You can turn the other cheek, you can just give up the ship. You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip. Dare to be stupid, come on and dare to be stupid. It’s so easy to do, dare to be stupid. We’re all waiting for you, let’s go. It’s time to make a mountain out of a molehill so can I have a volunteer? There’s no more time for crying over spilled milk, now it’s time for crying in your beer. Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA, buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet. and party till you’re broke and they drive you away, it’s ok, you can dare to be stupid. It’s like spitting on a fish, it’s like barking up a tree. It’s like I said, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free. Dare to be stupid (yes), why don’t you dare to be stupid? It’s so easy to do, dare to be stupid, we’re all waiting for you, dare to be stupid. Burn your candle at both ends, look a gift horse in the mouth. Mashed potatoes can be your friends. You can be a coffee achiever, you can sit around the house and watch leave it to beaver. The future’s up to you, so what you gonna do? Dare to be stupid, dare to be stupid. What did I say? Dare to be stupid. Tell me, what did I say, dare to be stupid, it’s alright, dare to be stupid. We can be stupid all night, dare to be stupid. Come on, join the crowd, dare to be stupid. Shout it out loud, dare to be stupid. I can’t hear you, dare to be stupid. Ok, I can hear you now, dare to be stupid. Let’s go, dare to be stupid… I Want A New Duck (I Want A New Drug performed by Huey Lewis and the News) I want a new duck, one that won’t try to bite, one that won’t chew a hole in my socks, one that won’t quack all night. I want a new duck, one with big webbed feet, one that knows how to wash my car and keep his room real neat. One that won’t raid the ice box, one that’ll stay in shape, one that’s never gonna try to migrate or escape or I’ll tie him up with duck tape. I want a new duck, a mallard I think, one that won’t make a mess of my house or build a nest in the bathroom sink. I want a new duck, one that won’t steal my beer, one that won’t stick his bill in my mail, one that knows the duck stops here. One that won’t drive me crazy, waddling all around, one who’ll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown and show me how to get down, how to get down, baby. Get it? I want a new duck, not a swan or a goose. Just a drake I can dress real cute, think I’m gonna name him Bruce. I want a new duck, not a quail or an owl. One that won’t molt to much, one that won’t smell too fowl. One that won’t beg for breadcrumbs, hangin’ around all day, he’d better mind his manners, better do just what I say or he’s gonna be duck pate, duck pate, yeah, yeah. Like A Surgeon (Like A Virgin performed by Madonna) I finally made it through med school, somehow I made it through. I’m just an intern, I still make a mistake or two. I was last in my class, barely passed at the institute, now I’m trying to avoid, yeah I’m trying to avoid a malpractice suit. Hey, like a surgeon, cuttin’ for the very first time. Like a surgeon, organ transplants are my line. Better give me all your gauze, nurse, this patient’s fading fast. Complications have set in, don’t know how long he’ll last. Let me see that IV, here we go, time to operate, I’ll pull his insides out, pull his insides out and see what he ate. Like a surgeon, hey, cuttin’ for the very first time. Like a surgeon, here’s a waiver for you to sign. Woh, woh, who. It’s a fact, I’m a quack, the disgrace of the AMA cause my patients die, yeah, my patients die before they can pay. Like a surgeon, hey, cuttin’ for the very first time. Like a surgeon, got your kidneys on my mind. Like a surgeon, ooh, like a surgeon when I reach inside with my scalpel and my forceps and retractors, oh… I can hear your heartbeat for the very last time. One More Minute (original Weird Al recording) Well I heard that you’re leavin’ (leavin’), gonna leave me far behind (so far behind). Cause you found a brand new lover, you decided that I’m not your kind. So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex, and I tore all your pictures in two. And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go, just because it reminds me of you. That’s right (that’s right), you ain’t gonna see me cryin’, I’m glad (I’m glad) that you found somebody new. Cause I’d rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass than spend one more minute with you. I guess I might seem kinda bitter, you got me feeling down in the dumps. Cause I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love and I have to use the self-service pumps. Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase, you ain’t (you ain’t) gonna break my heart in two. Cause I’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face than spend one more minute with you. I’d rather rip out my intestines with a fork than watch you going out with other men. I’d rather slam my fingers in a door again and again and again and again and again. Oh, can’t you see what I’m tryin’ to say, darlin. I’d rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches), shove an ice pick under a toenail or two. I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you. Yes, I’d rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue. I’d rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades than spend one more minute with you. I’d rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die than spend one more minute with you. Fat (Bad performed by Michael Jackson) Your butt is wide, well, mine is too. Just watch your mouth or I’ll sit on you. The word is out, better treat me right cause I’m the king of cellulite. Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right. My zippers bust, my buckles break, I’m too much man for you to take. The pavement cracks when I fall down, I’ve got more chins than Chinatown. Well, I’ve never used a phone booth and I’ve never seen my toes, when I’m going to the movies I take up seven rows because I’m fat, I’m fat, come on (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, come on, you know (fat, fat, really really fat). Don’t cha call me pudgy, portly or stout, just now tell me once again, who’s fat? When I walk out to get my mail, it measures on the Richter scale. Down at the beach I’m a lucky man, I’m the only one who gets a tan. If I have one more pie a la mode, I’m gonna need my own zip code. When you’re only having seconds, I’m having twenty-thirds. When I go to get my shoes shined, I gotta take their word because I’m fat, I’m fat, sha mone (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know (fat, fat, really really fat). And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds, lemme tell you once again who’s fat. If you see me coming your way, better give me plenty space. If I tell you that I’m hungry, then won’t you feed my face because I’m fat, I’m fat, come on (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know (fat, fat, really really fat). When I sit around the house, I really sit around the house. You know I’m fat, I’m fat, come on (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know it (fat, fat, really really fat). You know, you know, you know, come on (fat, fat, really really fat). And you know all by myself I’m a crowd, lemme tell you once again. You know I’m huge, I’m fat, you know it (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, you know, hoo (fat, fat, really really fat). You know I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it, you know (fat, fat, really really fat). And the whole world knows I’m fat and I’m proud, just tell me once again, who’s fat? I Think I’m A Clone Now (I Thing I’m Alone Now performed by Tiffany/Tommy James) Isn’t it strange, feels like I’m lookin’ in the mirror. What would people say if only they knew that I was? Part of some geneticist’s plan (plan-plan-plan), born to be a carbon copy man (man-man-man). There in a Petri dish late one night, they took a donor’s body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say. I think I’m a clone now, there’s always two of me just a-hangin’ around. I think I’m a clone now cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down. Look at the way we go out walking close together. I guess you could say I’m really beside myself. I still remember how it began (gan-gan-gan), they produced a carbon copy man (man-man-man). Born in a science lab late one night without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now), there’s always two of me just a-hangin’ around. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now), cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now) and I can stay at home while I’m out of town. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now) cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down. Signing autographs for my fans, come and meet the carbon copy man. Living in stereo, it’s all right, well, I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza, so I say I think I’m a clone now, another one of me’s always hangin’ around. I think I’m a clone now, cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now), I’ve been on Oprah Winfrey, I’m world renowned. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now) and every pair of genes is a hand-me-down. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now), that’s my genetic twin always hangin’ around. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now), cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down. I think I’m a clone now (a clone now)… Eat It (Beat It performed by Michael Jackson) How come you’re always such a fussy young man? Don’t want no captain crunch, don’t want no Raisin Bran? Well, don’t you know that other kids are starving in Japan? So eat it, just eat it. Don’t want to argue, I don’t want to debate, don’t want to hear about what kind of food you hate. You won’t get no dessert till you clean off your plate, so eat it. Don’t you tell me you’re full, just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, get yourself an egg and beat it. Have some more chicken, have some more pie, it doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried. Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it. Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh. Your table manners are some crying shame, you’re playing with your food, this ain’t some kind of game. Now, if you starve to death, you’ll just have yourself to blame, so eat it, just eat it. You better listen, better do what you’re told, you haven’t even touched your tuna casserole. You better chow down or it’s gonna get cold, so eat it. I don’t care if you’re full, just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, open up your mouth and feed it. Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam, it doesn’t matter it it’s fresh or tanned, just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, don’t you make me repeat it. Have a banana, have a whole bunch, it doesn’t matter what you had for lunch. Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, if it’s getting cold, reheat it. Have a big dinner, have a light snack, if you don’t like it, you can’t send it back. Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, get yourself an egg and beat it (oh, Lord). Have some more chicken, have some more pie, it doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried, just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, don’t you make me repeat it (oh, no). Have a banana, have a whole bunch, it doesn’t matter what you had for lunch, just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it… I Lost On Jeopardy (Jeopardy performed by Greg Kihn Band) I was there to match my intellect on national TV against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a PhD. I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn’t my night. Art Fleming gave the answers, oh, but I couldn’t get the questions right. I lost on jeopardy, baby, ooh. I lost on jeopardy, baby, ooh. Well, I knew I was in trouble now, my hope of winning sank. Oh, cause I got the daily double now and then my mind went blank. I took potpourri for one hundred and then my head started to spin. Well, I’m givin’ up, Don Pardo, just tell me now what I didn’t win, yeah, yeah. I lost on jeopardy, baby, ooh. I lost on jeopardy, baby, ooh. ”That’s right, Al, you lost. And let me tell you what you didn’t win: a twenty volume set of the encyclopedia international, a case of turtle wax, and a year’s supply of Rice-A-Roni, the san Francisco treat. But that’s not all. You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. You brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come. You don’t get to come back tomorrow. You don’t even get a lousy copy of our home game. You’re a complete loser! Don’t know what I was thinking of, I guess I just wasn’t too bright. Well, I sure hope I do better next weekend on The Price Is Right. I lost on jeopardy, baby, ooh. I lost on jeopardy, baby, ooh. I lost on jeopardy, baby. Polkas On My 45 (polka covers, see below for credits) ‘Jocko Homo’ by Devo They tell us that we lost our tails, evolving up from little snails. I say it’s all just wind and sails, are we not men? We are Devo! Are we not men, D-e-v-o! ’Smoke On The Water’ by Deep Purple Smoke on the water and fire in the sky. Smoke on the water. ‘Sex’ by Berlin (I’m a man) I’m a boy, (I’m a man) well, I’m your mother, (I’m a man) I’m a one night stand, (I’m a man) am I bi, (I’m a man) I’m your slave (I’m a man) I’m a little girl when we make love together. ‘Hey Jude’ by The Beatles Hey, hey, hey Jude, don’t make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better, better, better, better, better, better, yeah. ’LA Woman’ by The Doors LA woman, you’re my woman, got my mojo rising, Mr. mojo rising, hey! ‘In-A-Gada-Da-Vida’ by Iron Butterfly In-a-gada-da-vida, honey, don’t you know that I love you. In-a-gada-da-vida, baby, don’t you know that I’ll always be true? ‘Hey Joe’ by Jimi Hendrix Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand? Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand? Gonna shoot my old lady, caught her messin’ ’round with another man. Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. yoddle-ay he-hoo. Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. yoddle-ay he-hoo. ’Burning Down The House’ by Talking Heads I’m an ordinary guy burning down the house. ‘Hot Blooded’ by Foreigner I’m hot blooded, check it and see, got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on, baby, do you do more than dance, I’m hot blooded, hot blooded. ‘Every Breath You Take’ by The Police Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I’ll be watching you. ‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go?’ by The Clash Darling, you gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go? If you say that you are mine, I’ll be here till the end of time. But you gotta let me know, woh, woh, woh, should I stay or should I go? ‘Jumping Jack Flash’ by The Rolling Stones But it’s all right now, in fact it’s a gas. But it’s all right, jumping Jack Flash is a gas, gas, gas. ‘My Generation’ by The Who People try to put us down (talking ’bout my generation) just because we get around (talking ’bout my generation). Things they do look awful c-c-cold (talking ’bout my generation), hope I die before I get old (talking ’bout my generation). This is my generation (talking ’bout my generation), this is my generation, baby (talking ’bout my generation). (talking ’bout my generation), my, my, my, my, my, my generation (my generation). Well, talking ’bout my g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-generation. Smells Like Nirvana (Smells Like Teen Spirit performed by Nirvana) What is this song all about? Can’t figure any lyrics out. How do the words to it go? I wish you’d tell me, I don’t know. Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, oh no, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know. Now I’m mumblin’ and I’m screamin’ and I don’t know what I’m singin’. Crank the volume, ears are bleedin’, I still don’t know what I’m singin’. We’re so loud and incoherent, boy, this oughta bug your parents, yeah. It’s unintel-ligible, I just can’t get it through my skull. It’s hard to bargle nawdle zouss with all these marbles in my mouth. Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, oh no, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know. Well, we don’t sound like Madonna, here we are now, we’re Nirvana. Sing distinctly? We don’t wanna, buy our album, we’re Nirvana. A garage band from Seattle, well, it sure beats raising cattle, yeah. And I forgot the next verse, oh, well, I guess it pays to rehearse. The lyric sheet’s so hard to find, what are the words? Oh, never mind. Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, oh no, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know. Well, I’m yellin’ and we’re playin’, but I don’t know what I’m sayin’. What’s the message I’m conveyin’? Can you tell me what I’m sayin’? So have you got some idea? Didn’t think so, well, I’ll see ya. Sayonara, sayonara, ayonawa, odinawa, odinaya, yodinaya, yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah, ayaaaaaah! It’s All About The Pentiums (It’s All About The Benjamins performed by Puff Daddy) It’s all about the Pentiums, baby. It’s all about the Pentiums, baby. It’s all about the Pentiums, baby. It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) What y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers, code crackers, slackers? Wasting time with all the chat room yakkers? 9 to 5, chilling at Hewlett Packard? Working at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, paying the bills with my mad programming skills, defragging my hard drive for thrills. I got me a hundred gigabytes of ram, I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam. Installed a T-1 line in my house, always at my PC, double-clicking on my mizouse. Upgrade my system at least twice a day, I’m strictly plug-and-play, I ain’t afraid of Y2K. I’m down with Bill Gates, I call him "money" for short. I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support. It’s all about the Pentiums, what? You’ve gotta be the dumbest newbie I’ve ever seen, you’ve got white-out all over your screen. You think your Commodore 64 is really neat-o, what kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You’re using a 286? don’t make me laugh, your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette, you’re the biggest joke on the internet. Your database is a disaster, you’re waxing your modem, trying to make it go faster. Hey fella, I bet you’re still living in your parents’ cellar, downloading pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar and posting "me too" like some brain-dead AOL-er, I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller, you’re just about as useless as Jpegs to Helen Keller. It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) What y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers, code crackers, slackers? Wasting time with all the chat room yakkers? 9 to 5, chilling at Hewlett Packard? Uh, uh, logging in now, wanna run with my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets, got ’em printed out on my bed sheets. My new computer’s got the clocks, it rocks, but it was obsolete before I opened the box. You say you’ve had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it’s an antique. Your laptop is a month old? Well, that’s great if you could use a nice, heavy paperweight. My digital media is write-protected, every file inspected, no viruses detected. I Beta tested every operation system, gave props to some, and others? I dissed ’em. While your computer’s crashing, mine’s multitasking, it does all my work without me even asking. Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide, I believe that yours says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side. In a 32-bit world, you’re a 2-bit user, you’ve got your own newsgroup, "alt.total-loser." Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax, where’d you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I’ll beat you, if I ever meet you I’ll control-alt-delete you. It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) It’s all about the Pentiums! (it’s all about the Pentiums, baby) What y’all wanna do? Wanna be hackers, code crackers, slackers? Wasting time with all the chat room yakkers? 9 to 5, chilling at Hewlett Packard? What?!! Polka Power (polka covers, see below for credits) ‘Wannabe’ by Spice Girls Yeah, I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want. So tell us what you want, what you really, really want. I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want. So tell us what you want, what you really, really want. I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna really, really, really, wanna zigga zigga ah. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends). Make it last forever, friendship never ends. If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give (you’ve got to give). Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is, Hey! ‘Flagpole Sitta’ by Harvey Danger I’m not sick, but I’m not well, and I’m so hot, cause I’m in hell. I’m not sick, but I’m not well and it’s a sin (yes, it’s a sin) to live so well. ‘Ghetto Superstar’ by Pras Ghetto superstar, that is what you are, coming from afar, reaching for the stars. Run away with me, to another place, we can rely on each other, uh huh, from one corner to another, uh huh. ‘Everybody’ by Backstreet Boys Everybody (yeah), rock your body (yeah), everybody, rock your body, right, Backstreet’s back, all right, all right! ‘Walking On The Sun’ by Smash Mouth So don’t delay, act now, supplies are running out, but now if you’re still alive, six to eight years to arrive and if you follow, there may be a tomorrow but if the offer’s shuned, you might as well be walking on the sun. Might as well be walking on the sun. ‘Intergalactic’ by Beastie Boys Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic ‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawumba I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down. ‘Ray Of Light’ by Madonna Quicker than a ray of light, quicker than a ray of light, quicker than a ray of liiiiiight. ‘Push’ by matchbox 20 I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will, I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will. I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah, yeah, well I will. ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ by Third Eye Blind I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life, baby, baby. I want something else, I’m not listening when you say good-bye. Doot doot doot doot do do do. Doot doot doot doot do do do. Doot doot doot doot do do do. Do do do do do do. ’Dope Show’ by Marilyn Manson There’s lots of pretty, pretty ones that want to get you high. But all the pretty, pretty ones will leave you low and blow your mind. We’re all stars now in the dope show, we’re all stars now in the dope show. ’Sex and Candy’ by Marcy Playground I smell sex and candy here, who’s that lounging in my chair? Who’s that casting devious stares in my direction? Mama, this surely is a dream. Yeah, yeah mama, this surely is a dream, dig it, yeah mama, this surely is. ‘Closing Time’ by Semisonic Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. I know who I wanna take me home, I know who I wanna take me home, I know who I wanna take me home, take us home cause it’s closing time. Yeah, it’s closing time. We’re talkin’ ’bout closin’ time, it’s really closin’ time. Hey! Pretty Fly For A Rabbi (Pretty Fly For A White Guy performed by Offspring) How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly for a Rabbi. Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho. Our temple’s had a fair share of Rabbis in the past, but most of ’em were nudniks and none of ’em would last. But our new guy’s real kosher, I think he’ll do the trick, I tell ya, he’s to dies for, he really knows his shtick. So how’s by you? have you seen this Jew? Reads the torah, does his own accounting too. Working like a dog at the synagogue, he’s there all day, he’s there all day. Just say "vay iz mir!" and he’ll kick into gear, he’ll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer. Just grab your yarmulka and hey, hey do that Hebrew thing! How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly for a Rabbi. He shops at discount stores, not just any will suffice. He has to find a bargain ’cause he won’t pay retail price. He never acts meshugga and he’s hardly a schlemiel, but if you wanna haggle, oy, he’ll make you such a deal. People used to scoff, now they say, "mazel tov!" He’s such a macher ’cause he worked his tuchis off. Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul, what’s not to like, what’s not to like? On high holy days, you know he prays and prays and he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise. Put on your yarmulka and hey, hey do that Hebrew thing! When he’s doing a bar mitzvah, now, that you shouldn’t miss. He’ll always schlep on down for a wedding or a briss. They say he’s got a lot of chutzpah, he’s really quite hip. The parents pay the moil and he gets to keep the tip. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. How ya doin’, Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey. And all the goyim say I’m pretty fly for a Rabbi. Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho He’s doin’ well, I gotta kvell, the yentas love him, even shicksas think he’s swell. Show up at his home, he says, "Shalom" and "have some cake, you want some cake?" Yeah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots, oy gevalt, I’m so ferklempt that I could plotz. So grab your yarmulke, the one you got for Chanukah. Let’s put on our yarmulkas and hey, hey do that Hebrew thing! Another One Rides The Bus (Another One Bites The Dust performed by Queen) Riding in the bus down the boulevard and the place was pretty packed. Couldn’t find a seat so I had to stand with the perverts in the back. It was smelling like a locker room, there was junk all over the floor. We’re already packed in like sardines, but we’re stopping to pick up more, look out. Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus. Another comes on and another comes on, another one rides the bus. Hey, he’s gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus. There’s a suitcase poking me in the ribs, there’s an elbow in my ear. There’s a smelly old bum standing next to me, hasn’t showered in a year. I think I’m missing a contact lens, I think my wallet’s gone and I think this bus is stopping again to let a couple more freaks get on, look out. Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus. Another comes on and another comes on, another one rides the bus. Hey, he’s gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus. Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus, ow! Another one rides the bus, hey, hey, another one rides the bus hey. The window doesn’t open and the fan is broke and my face is turning blue. I haven’t been in a crowd like this since I went to see The Who. Well, I should’ve got off a couple miles ago, but I couldn’t get to the door. There isn’t any room for me to breathe and now we’re gonna pick up more. Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus. Another comes on and another comes on, another one rides the bus. Hey, he’s gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus. I Love Rocky Road (I Love Rock And Roll performed by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts) I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool, keep a couple quarts in my locker at school. Yah, but chocolate’s gettin’ old, vanilla just leaves me cold. There’s just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me. Don’t gimme no crummy taste spoon, I know what I need. Baby, I love rocky road, so weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road, so have another triple scoop with me. They tell me ice cream junkies are all the same, all the soda jerkers know my name. When their supply is gone, then I’ll be movin’ on. But I’ll be back on Monday afternoon, you’ll see. Another truck load’s comin’ in for me, all for me. I’m singin’ I love rocky road, so weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road, so have another triple scoop with me. Oh, make it talk. When I’m all alone, I just grab myself a cone. And if I get fat and loose my teeth that’s fine with me, just lock me in the freezer and throw away the key. Sing it, I love rocky road, so weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road so have another triple scoop with me. I love rocky road, so weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road so have another triple scoop with I love rocky road, so weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road so have another triple scoop with I love rocky road, so weren’t you gonna buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road so have another triple scoop with me! |